Abraham Lincoln said: Whatever you are, be a good one.
Some women stay home with their kids and I am, currently, one of those women. I am urging myself to be better at it because it doesn’t come naturally. I personally dont take a lot of pride in housework, cooking and cleaning. I am a mediocre home chef. I feed my family healthy and interesting meals — but that’s not where I personally find my value. My home is fairly clean. I vacuum almost everyday, the dishes are usually in the dishwasher and I clean the toilets when they’re dirty — but that’s not where I personally find my value.
In my post earlier this week I wrote that I love my job and I love my son and I want him to know that I love both. I love the buzz and fury of my job as an event planner. When I’m working I am alive. I am fulfilled! In that moment I most definitely miss my son but I would, honestly, not rather be with him. Not in that moment.
The creator of this blog, Tracy, wrote a post last year titled My Career Fulfills Me in Ways My Child Can’t. Here’s a quote:
I am meant to be a mom. And I’m meant to be a teacher. Both fulfill me, but in such different ways. And the fulfillment I get from each are translated to each other. The fulfillment of being a mom influences how I teach. The fulfillment of being a teacher influences how I parent. I need each in my life. I crave each. Of course my family comes first. Always. But my career, well that is a close second.
A friend of mine commented on my Facebook page:
I feel crazy lucky to be home with my kid. I also look forward to her nap and for bedtime so that I can spend some time creating and/or drinking coffee by myself. I love the times when I get to do something that is just for me, to feel value apart from my darling little girl. (And don’t get me wrong, there is a special type of fullfillment which is completely unique to being a mom!) I love her to bits but I am a better mom because I make time for myself and for my creativity a propriety!
What makes my friend Laura feel valued? Creating for her Etsy shop: Elvie Creations, hand-sewn baby goods.
What makes her feel fulfilled? Being a mom to her adorable daughter, Fiona.
I can say the same for myself. I need to write, paint, take photos, or get out to a job and bring home the bacon. I literally need it. You can ask my husband about my first few [jobless] weeks. I felt so lost. I told him I couldn’t do it about 1000 times.
I feel value being able to do what I am really good at, dressed up in a nice pair of heels, while my son is at home playing with my husband or a sitter. I feel value when I bring home a paycheck. I am fulfilled when I return to a HUGE hug from my son. I am fulfilled when I watch this little boy work a crowd, give hugs, remember everyone’s name and say “Ruv you too, mom!”. He is the best and I will burst into tears at any given moment to explain to you how much he means to me. Then I’ll wipe those tears away and tell you about the couple whose wedding I’m coordinating this weekend and how incredibly excited I am.
If you have to work, do your best. If you have to stay home, do your best. Above all, know that what’s right for you might not be what’s right everyone else.
Do you find value or fulfillment in motherhood and work? I’d love to hear your thoughts.