I’d Rather Be With You

liam-lindsy-LWM-april2014I was given children’s book about working moms and it ended with a statement that said, in words more poetic and rhyme-y than this: mom would rather be with her child than at work.

I don’t exactly know why but it bothered me. The contributors here at LWM have a private Facebook group to discuss all things LWM. I brought up this book and its questionable finale and there was a resounding, unanimous response: We do not support that message!

I have a friend whose dad hates working. He put in nearly 40 years at a big company and he hated every minute of it. It’s not a surprise that his child also hates working. Work is something that we need to do.  Unless I win the lottery (and maybe not even then) our son, Liam, is going to have to get a job someday and I want him to love working. I really do.

I’m certain if I had a job I hated or worked really long, stressful hours then I’d rather be with my son. I had the opportunity to be with Liam 24/7 for 2 months and I discovered that I’d really rather be working. I adore my son. Really, I’m obsessed with him. But, now that I’ve gotten a job I am much more fulfilled. I love my job and I love my son and I want him to know that I love both.  

Readers, how do you feel about this? Would you rather be with your child while you’re working? Is this message “I’d rather be with you” harmful or beneficial to our kids?

12 Comments

  • That last phrase would rub me the wrong way. Yes, I enjoy being with my children, but spending every waking moment with is not me – and I would go crazy. I could not financially be a stay at home mom, but I also do not want to be a stay at home mom. I need a separate identity and work helps me have that. I’m a teacher, so do I look forward to spending summer with them, yep. Am I ready to go back to work in August. Yep.
    Becky @ bybmg recently posted..Chalkboard Serveware with Darby SmartMy Profile

  • Melissa says:

    I just read the header in the blog email notification and it made me mad… I say often that some women are meant to be working moms. I AM THAT WOMAN. My kids are by far one of the most important things in my life. That said, I love my career (not always my job…it’s been hairy lately). As Becky stated, I need that identity away from my kids. I’ve always been someone’s something. (Michelle’s sister (i’m the youngest), Jeremy’s girlfriend/wife, Caroline/Jace’s mom) At work…I am MELISSA and everyone in my life are Melissa’s people. Do I often hate that I can’t be at every school party and field trip? Yep. But how much more special is the one I do make to surprise my daughter and make her day. Society needs to STOP making me feel like I’m wronging my children. I have two of the strongest willed, independent children who will grow up and make a difference. So right now would I rather be with them? No. I’m at work, I’m about to get things done. (And today i’m struggling with some pain so hallelujah that I don’t have to wait on them! LOL)
    Melissa recently posted..Confession Time: #allergiessuckMy Profile
    Twitter: melissamott

    • Lindsy says:

      It’s good for our kids, too, to have some separation from us. Dont you think? The whole “it takes a village” thing…. :)
      Twitter: lmrphotos

  • Jes says:

    Lindsy – I love this post. I agree with you, everyone is different, some people hate working, or they hate their particular job, or they change their minds about working after becoming a parent. But for working moms who do love to work it’s a healthy message to our kids that we love both. Absolutely! I wish that better part-time opportunities exited for all careers in the U.S. because I think if the stigma of working a part-time job or being on the ‘mommy track’ were removed it would give working parents more flexibility to spend time enjoying work and enjoying the kids. And for anyone who wants or needs to work full-time, it’s also a win-win, because everyone will be more engaged in their work if they have a schedule that works best for them/their families. Imagine part-time doctors, lawyers, any profession having part-time options that didn’t hold you back from being successful in your career. It works in other countries, I hope we get to that point one day too :)
    Jes recently posted..Just a Trip to the Grocery StoreMy Profile
    Twitter: jessicapeterson

    • Lindsy says:

      Good thoughts, Jess! Thanks! I agree. We should have more part-time options. I’ve been searching for part time jobs in Nashville and all I can find are $10/hour receptionist positions. Which, barely pays for childcare – if at all! I’m stuck.
      Twitter: lmrphotos

  • Monique says:

    I love this post! I think that it is an incredibly personal choice. For some women it is better that they are at home, and for others it is better that they are working outside of the home.

    For me, it was totally better to stop working full-time, and get a part-time job. It just works better for my family. I am a mother, a wife, a full-time student, busy in church, and I am trying to make my blog a good side hustle….this is a job in itself. I feel a lot more peace and more time because I stepped down from the full-time position. I’m sorry, but because I didn’t really like the full-time position I was in, I would rather be with my daughter. Also, because I worked up until 37 weeks last time I was pregnant, I would rather not do that this time around. I want the flexibilty and time that I didn’t have before. Love this post! :-)

  • Monique says:

    I love this dicussion! I think that it is an incredibly personal choice. It is up to what is best for you and your family.

    For me, I went from working 50 hours a week to 24 and it was the best decision I have ever made! Because my job was not my passion, it was draining and tiring. I dreaded it every Sunday night. I am working the same job, but I just work two nights a week. This has given me so much more time with my daughter, and more time to do other things that I have a true passion for. I am a wife, mother, full-time student, and I am busy trying to build my side buisnesses. I am sorry, but I would rather be with my daughter at this point in my life.

    Love this post! :-)
    Monique recently posted..A Bike Ride Kind of DayMy Profile

  • Kiara says:

    I went back to work at 32 hrs/wk after my first child, then 30 hrs/wk after my second. While I appreciated the reduction in hours, it still wasn’t enough to make me feel good about the meager amount I was bringing home after childcare. Sure, I could up my hours to 40, but I would go absolutely insane not having as much time to take care of the house and to have Fridays for playdates with my WAHM and SAHM friends and their kids. Yes, I realize that I am very blessed to have the opportunity to work part-time, but four years in and I still hadn’t found the right balance. I recently decided to leave my cushy HR job and am starting my own business as a birth doula. I will be home with my kids most of the time, but will still have the outlet of running a business and attending to clients. We are YMCA members, so I plan on utilizing the childcare there to sit in the lobby and get work done and oh I don’t know, maybe workout ;-) I am incredibly nervous about this huge change in lifestyle, but my kids will only be young once, and I can always go back to regular employment if it just isn’t working for us.

    It’s such a personal decision, I don’t see how anyone could judge another mother on working full-time, part-time, from home, or not working an outside job at all. Most women don’t even get the choice! For those of us that do, a huge thank you to our husbands for taking on the main breadwinner role.
    Kiara recently posted..Catch the Moment 365 {Days 99-105}My Profile

    • Lindsy says:

      You’re so brave, kiara! Good for you for doing what you love and making it work for your family. Your children will benefit from seeing you more AND seeing you do something you love/ contributing financially to your home.
      Lindsy recently posted..Dear SonMy Profile
      Twitter: lmrphotos

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