I often get told by some that they are amazed at all I’m able to manage. And I also get questions from others on how I manage to find the time to do it all. Full time working mom. Wife. Blogger. Freelance Writer. The fact of the matter is, though, that I don’t do it all. I can’t. It’s just not possible.
Right now I’m sitting her at five minutes to 11pm writing out this post. Because I know I’m due to write something for LWM this week and with all the things I’ve got going on, even during maternity leave, I know that if I don’t do it now, sooner than later the week will be over and I will have forgotten all about this it.
My husband went out this evening. I got my 4 year-old into bed at 9:30. And the 2 month-old into bed at 10:30. And this is my only time to write today because this morning we had a family outing to purchase a new dryer since ours died this week. Then there was the weekly grocery shopping that got done later than normal because of the earlier outing.
I’ve got only half of the laundry put away right now. The laundry that I had to bring to my mom’s yesterday to do because of said broken dryer. Perhaps I’ll get my clothes put away tomorrow, or perhaps I’ll live out of picking through clean piles that I often do every week.
I’ve given up on cleaning my house and I decided to pay someone else to take care of that for me. Because my house was turning from just being messy to dirty, and I just didn’t know where to begin. So I waved the white flag. Even on maternity leave, I know there’s no time for that.
Last week I managed to find 20 minutes to exercise. I’m losing weight not because of my working out efforts, but rather because I’m breastfeeding and find myself at the end of the day questioning if I found enough time to eat to sustain feeding my newborn. In the past I’ve used MyFitnessPal to help me lose weight, and now I use it to make sure I’m eating enough.
Some weeks I manage to find enough time to write. I have no idea where this time comes. Perhaps I’m just becoming more efficient with my lack of time I have to get things done. Other weeks, I’m scrambling to get all my posts done. And sometimes on the last day of the month, I’m hitting publish to meet deadlines. But mostly, I’m starting to worry about what happens when I go back to work full time. One full time job. A mom and a wife. Writing for another part time job. How is that going to work?
Then there are all the random things I forget to do. Despite writing list after list, my brain is too preoccupied to remember to look at the list. I’m at Target 2-3 times a week only partly because I love it. I’m just always forgetting this and that.
One aspect of my life that I always make time for is my family. That’s a given. And when my husband could easily go by himself to buy a dryer, instead we go as a family and giggle as the 4 year-old bangs on each dryer telling us which one sounds the best-her assessments on which dryer is the best for purchase. And I think of how far I’ve come as I nonchalantly sit down to breastfeed my youngest while talking to the guy selling us the dryer. This will be moment to remember. Because making memories, no matter how small, is what this life as a mom and wife is all about.
Really, there are parts of life that I struggle to manage, and those parts aren’t the ones I generally share with the world. Yet it’s my reality. Instead I focus on what I do have – what I can manage. And I’m starting to realize that doing it all and having it all are two different things. Because, while I don’t feel I can do it all, I do have it all. I have an amazing husband, two amazing girls, a great career that fulfills my working desires, and I get paid to write – a passion of mine. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.