I had a freak-out moment at work today. I decided to look at the webpage of the elementary school where our daughter will be starting kindergarten in 6 months. The result? Some paralysis. Some fear. Some tears. Some concerned looks from co-workers. I was not OK
I know she’s growing up. I don’t live in a bubble. Clearly, kindergarten is what 5 year-olds do. It’s fun. It’s part of the American apple pie childhood. It’s cool and great.
Or is it? Other moms who have been there recently tell me, “It’s not like when we were little. It’s not so fun. They’re making them learn things we didn’t learn til much later like writing whole sentences from dictation, and they don’t get to play nearly as much. It’s all about the testing.”
So I was primed for the freak out, when I checked out the bus routes (my baby, on a bus, with a 5th grader?) and the bell schedule. Bells? Tardiness? She’s only 5!
The kicker for me, that sent me into near hyperventilation? The late bell rings at 8:25. They get out of school at 2:55. I’m pretty swift at time math, I am. My work hours and hubby’s are 8:00-4:30. That means, if I am to fulfill my goal of being home to get her on and off the bus, I have 6 months to figure out how to finesse our lives so that one of us starts work at 8:30 and one of us is home by 3.
My “dream” was to be in a position where I could be part-time by the time the kids started school. But I just started my job and don’t know if I’ll have enough cred or cojones to ask to go part-time or telework an odd schedule in 6 months. Last resort? Hold off on my dream for a little while, hoping an opportunity to reduce hours will present itself. And just hope that putting off my dream is not an indefinite thing.
Is this one of those, “Well, you just can’t have it all, sister” situations? This morning, in full freakout mode, it felt like that. My emotional state made me want to quit my job (which I really like) because my-emotional-self saw that as the only way to make this dream come true. But I need to work and I like to work. And despite my clearly genius writing abilities, I don’t think I’d be able to make up for our income loss with freelance writing.
Here’s my self pep talk: You can do it, girl. You’ll figure it out. You will get to help her get on the bus, and you’ll get to be there waiting at home when she gets off the bus. And anyway, regardless of what happens, you’re a good mom and you’re doing a good job.
Anybody else freaking out, prepping for kindergarten out there? Can we prep together? Anyone been through this already and have some tips for me?