If we’re being honest, most people don’t grow up thinking/hoping that one day they can wake up and take their child to daycare for 8-10 hours a day. Most parents want to spend as much time as they can with their children… soaking up these priceless and precious moments of childhood before they disappear. Most parents think they will find a way to work part time or stay home or somehow make more hours in the day to spend with the sweet-faced babies they created or adopted. But our realities change; our lives change, and sometimes we’re left facing a world where our only real option is one that leaves us spending 40 plus hours a week away from our kids.
That is my reality.
I’m a single mom; if I don’t work, we don’t eat and it can start to feel so very stifling at times. You feel like you’re trapped in this cycle where your child will never have a real winter break, never enjoy summer vacation, never have the childhood that you maybe had or wanted when you were growing up. When it starts to feel like that, when I find myself spiraling down into a pit of “woe is me,” there’s really only one thing to do… I go pick up my child.
See, when I open the door, eighteen individual heads turn and stare hopefully at the door, each one wondering if it’s their mother or father there to collect them. When my child realizes it’s me, he runs… no, he BARRELS across the floor and throws his arms around whatever body part he can reach while calling my name and telling me he’s missed me and that he’s had a good, or bad, or tough day. And in that moment, just in that moment when eighteen heads turn to face the same door, I realize what a special thing we’re all doing for our children… we warriors of the working world.
We are raising children who don’t just hear but KNOW that women can work outside the home and still be good parents. We are raising boys who will know that women are as capable as men, girls who will know that they can be anything they want to be, children who will dream even bigger than we ever did. We are raising children who are socialized at an early age, who are introduced to different cultures and religions and backgrounds at ages when I still thought everyone looked like me. We are raising children to be strong, independent, thoughtful men and women… children who realize that without one single doubt, that the people who love you never really leave you…they always come back in whatever way they can.
It’s hard, don’t get me wrong, to pull away on the mornings when J is crying or when we’ve had a particularly rough parting. But it’s still infinitely worth it to come back at the end of the day. I’m stronger because of the time we spend apart. He’s stronger because of the time we spend apart. We cherish the time we spend together more than I think we would if we were together all the time, twenty-four/seven. I still get the sad clucking sounds when I say I work; I still get the “Don’t you miss your son?” and “Don’t you wish you could stay home with him?” from well-meaning people, but it’s getting a little easier to smile in response and shrug. Because I’m doing the best I can every day for my child and that’s what really matters.
But whenever I doubt, even for one moment, that I’m not doing everything I can for my child… I remember those moments when eighteen heads turn to face me at the end of the day. And in that one perfect moment, I know that the lessons our sons and daughters are learning in the time they spend away from us are worth every second of the heartache we feel at their absence.
There is something in this post that I really needed today. I’ve been struggling with a lot of things lately, and it’s nice to have a bit of reassurance that the kids will be alright, and so will we.
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It’s always a struggle, always. Every time I pull away… even when I’m all “OH THANK GOD” about time away from the whining.
But yeah… we’re going to be fine. All of us.
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No one has ever said to me, “Why did you have children if you’re going to have someone else raise them?” Which is good. For the people who think that. (I know they’re out there–other people hear this comment, I know.)
Because Baguette knows who her mommy and daddy are. And she lights up and crows with delight when one of us appears. Who’s raising her? We are.
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BOOM. What you said. Because EXACTLY!!! They know who is the parent and who is the teacher. They’re pretty smart little boogers.
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<333
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back atcha, love.
Law Momma recently posted..Happy Friday!
I love this. You’re so exactly right on. Way to go!!
Thanks, lady!
Law Momma recently posted..Happy Friday!
I love this! I grew up the daughter of a single, working mom. I believe I am a stronger, more independent woman because I had to be at such a young age. I also believe she and I are much closer because we cherished those moments we did have together. I’m a working momma who LOVES her job and has no hesitations about dropping my kids to people who love and care for them. It does hurt when my daughter asks to go to work with me but she cherishes that pickup time as much as i do! Thanks for this.
Thank YOU for the other perspective! We’re all doing the best we can, right?
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This is so perfect and so true. Both of us are at work today while Eddie is sick. THANKFULLY he can stay with my parents, but it sucks giant nuts that we had to choose work over being with him.
But he knows we love him. He knows if family couldn’t watch him, we would have taken the hit and stayed home.
Great post, Law Momma
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That’s all that matters… they know we love them. And they know that because it’s true. So there.
Sorry he’s sick. 
Law Momma recently posted..Happy Friday!
I have stayed at home, worked out of the home with my kid in daycare, and now I work AT home (part-time) while they run/scoot around the house. Every choice has its positives and negatives. When I worked out of the house, I hated being away from my daughter all day. I wanted to be able to do fun stuff with her all day, teach her, etc. BUT, being at home all day long with her (and now the baby too) wears me out and while I enjoy working from home, I miss the much-needed break I got from her by going to the office. I agree- there is something so heart-filling when you open the door to their classroom/daycare and they come running towards you. Makes it all worth-while. <3
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I can’t think of a better moment to have five days a week!! It’s definitely my favorite part of every work day.
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My husband does daycare drop off & I pick up. I LOVE picking up! Lucy & Zach’s faces when they see me are awesome. As are the double hugs.
Thanks for making me count the seconds til 5p & look forward to that moment even more!
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So true.
When my DH & I were discussing about having kids, we day dreamed about me being a SAHM and him the single provider. Well, that hasn’t happened. My girls go to DC and we are a better family because if it. I have the insurance, extra money & above all that: mental sanity. I love my girls, but I know I will be bitter I’d I didn’t work.
And if we ever need a boost in batteries, having a day or two off will provide that. And our kids love the break but still want to go back to DC fun.