10 Things to Say to a Working Mom {and mean it}

I’ve come across a lot of lists of things to not do/say to moms of all imposed categories.  Very rarely do I come across a list of things to do/say for moms or parents in general.  So here’s one for ya!  {Most of these are great for any parent, but some are working-mom specific.}

1. You rock.  You really do.  Often, we have to be our own champions but it’s awkward getting caught in the office bathroom chanting “you rock” to yourself self-affirmation style in the mirror.  Occasionally we’ll hear this from our co-parent.  Saying and hearing it battles the opposite sentiment of “you suck” which creeps in during the void.  The last time a working mom friend told me this, I teared up.  I hadn’t heard it or thought it about myself in a long time.
2. I can tell you love your kids so much.  Again, think about the void.  Silence speaks volumes, but these words when spoken in truth warm the heart.  Working moms battle sentiments such as “you let another person raise your child during the day” [shudder shudder erase erase] and words like this help verbally battle any lingering demonic internal versions of that false and ignorant sentiment.  I do love my kids so much.  In fact, more than anything.  Thank you for noticing.
3. What do you think?  Women who happen to be moms are smart and intelligent with opinions.  {Duh!}  In a conversation where opinions are important, ask that woman for hers and listen to it.  Please don’t relegate her to the category of ‘just a mom’ and assume all her opinions are about children and parenting.
4. Don’t worry about cooking or cleaning up – I just want to see you and the kids.  Say this before the mom in question even brings up food or the state of the house.  It doesn’t matter what’s in the fridge or whether her house is or isn’t immaculate.  Let her know up front that you want to visit the family and spend time together; everything else is secondary.
5. It’s ok that you forgot/can’t ____.  I completely understand.  Mommy brain is real.  Mommy brain is doubled when you have double schedules and kind of somewhat lead a double life (i.e., work life and home life).  She will forget a birthday card and it will be late.  She won’t be able to make it to your baby shower that’s an hour away on a weeknight.  Them’s the facts.  Communicate to her that it’s all good.
6. I just wanted to call and say hi.  People have told us – Oh, we didn’t want to bother you – you know, with the kids and all.  We weren’t sure if they were asleep.  We know you don’t get a lot of time together.  My advice – just call if you feel like calling.  We’ll answer if we can!  We’d love to talk for even a few short minutes and hear your voice!  We also love voice mail and if it’s cute we’ll save it and replay it to remember what our friends sound like!
7. You really chose a great daycare.  Wow, thank you for noticing!  We love our daycare and feel like it’s part of the village we’ve assembled to nurture our child’s education, growth and development.  Oh, you say the kids really seem to enjoy it?  Yes they do!
8. Do you want to hang out some time?  Working moms need friends too.  Working moms feel stretched and often left out of the various social parenting groups that only meet on weekdays.  It may take a little more effort in the scheduling department, but yes – we’d love to hang out and we’ll bring the wine!
9. What do you do at your job?  People ask it like they’re asking “what color underwear are you wearing?”  Read my lips:  it’s okay to ask this.  I spend 40+ hours a week doing something that most of my family – if you asked them – could not describe even if you offered money.  Yet it’s an important part of my life and who I am.
10. Let us watch the kids so you can your husband can go out.  Truly, thank you for recognizing that my hubs and I rarely get time to do this yet it’s so important.  Yes – let’s swap babysitting so we each get to have date night with no pricey babysitters.  Or let’s pool resources and hire a babysitter and we’ll all go out!  Great idea – let’s go!

What do you wish people would say to you more often?