What I wish my kids would eat. As if!
I know parents who don’t let their kids have juice because of the sugar content, who rave about their kids who inhale their vegetables ravenously, who only feed their kids organic stuff. I’ve known parents who insist their kids eat everything on their plate and who basically force their kids to eat vegetables against their will.
I, my friends, am none of these parents. I confess: I mostly don’t care what my kids eat.
You know the rule about giving a child a food 15 times before they’ll try it? My daughter was born to break that rule. She would eat dairy+grains every meal and be happy. The one time we made the poor decision to force her to eat broccoli she literally threw up. My son’ll eat almost Anything. But together they barely eat. I’ve joked that I’m not sure why we feed them if 99% of it will only wind up in my mouth, the trash or dog bowl. This is hard because one of my biggest pet peeves is wasted food.
I used to want to solve the mystery of getting our kids to eat more and eat better. I bought cookbooks on how to hide vegetables in food. I made things like spinach and raspberry brownies which everybody hated. I would insist on every glass of juice being watered down. My husband and I tried so many tactics to get our kids to eat more, try new things, or simply take one bite of a vegetable. It was exhausting.
All of this food stress was compounded by working. We would fight over food during dinner rather than lovingly discuss our day. Instead of congratulating myself on simply providing food for the kids, I was kicking myself and disappointed that they wouldn’t eat what I took time to cook and surely it was all my fault. I was misguided in thinking that what my kids ate was a reflection on how good a parent I am…. like I was somehow deficient if my children didn’t love peas, or if I gave them more than 6 ounces of juice on a given day.
But I’m in recovery. {Note: I haven’t fully recovered yet.} Here is what we try to do in our house to reduce our food stress, because as a working mom, who needs more stress added? {Note: these are not rules!}
- We eat together at the table sitting down.
- We buy healthy food and a few treats . Sometimes we buy organic if the price is right.
- Some junk is OK. {When I was 10 I ate only bean burritos and I’m OK.}
- Everybody gets the same thing on their plate. We give them small portions so there’s less waste if they don’t eat it.
- If the kids don’t at least try it, they don’t get a treat. Sometimes we make them take a certain number of bites, sometimes not.
- We don’t stress over how much they eat. They eat at daycare. They are clearly not starving.
- Every few days, we make a dinner we know they’ll like (like banana pancakes and sausage) so we’ll at least get the satisfaction of watching them eat a whole meal they enjoy. It does a mama’s heart good.
- I’m not a bad mom because we use precooked rice, non-watery juice or eat out sometimes.
- We do the best we can, being mindful that there are children in the world starving and we should be lucky to have food at all and also mindful of the things that lead to food addiction and obesity, and ignore any well-intended-or-not comments insinuating that somehow we suck when it comes to feeding our children.
I want my kids to enjoy food and experience new flavors but they’ve got many years ahead. As parents, we can only do so much to push our kids to do or like something. All in due time. For now I want to limit food rules, make food as fun as I can without getting all Pinterest-y about it, and give myself permission to just smile-and-nod and change the topic when other parents want to compare notes on kids+food.
What about you? Has meal time become a stressor for you? What tips and tricks do you have to making this oh so important family time as stress free as possible?
Photo Credit: Natoora via Flickr
I am completely with you on this. My daughter is very picky and rarely eats vegetables for me. But she does eat at daycare. We’ve never been a clean your plate kind of family. She is almost four so now we do the “eat what mommy cooked or go to bed hungry” rule. It as helped her try new things but still some days she goes to bed hungry. But she always has her milk so I know she is getting good nutrients. And if I cook something she likes, she will eat enough to last a day or two. I’m totally about making life at home more fun and less stressful!
Twitter: melissamott
I’m not strong enough to do the complete go-to-bed hungry thing… I usually break and offer a banana or some yogurt. Crackers if I’m feeling particularly weak. Mostly we take it day by day….
Twitter: bloombing
We have a similar approach. Our 2-yr-old doesn’t like vegetables, but has to at least try them to get a treat (usually a banana or applesauce). We also have the “you eat what I cook rule”. For the most part he’ll eat the “main” portion of the meal. We also fix his favorite meals often to help keep the dinner time peace. I’m hopeful that he’ll grow up with a large palate, but both my husband and I are picky eaters and like you said, we turned out fine.
Twitter: jessieyeager
Amen! Sometimes looking online I think I am the only one!
My son (3.5 yrs old) barely eats anything that’s not starch, peanut-buttery or dairy. He likes those pouches of fruit and vegetable purees, which at first I poo-pooed for being expense but I now by in bulk because on some days they are the only fruits and vegetables he will eat. Despite this, he is growing like a weed. I hope his tastes expand, but I’m just accepting it now.
My daughter (18 mths old) loves everything. Actually, she is more likely to leave the starch on her plate after filling up on fruits and vegis first. Like the contrast between your kids it shows that how kids eat is not just a result of parenting; otherwise, both my kids would have similar eating habits. My daughter’s eating habits help me accept my son’s as a quirk rather than a failure on my part.
The only one of your not-rules that the bend is having everyone eat the same thing. Because my kids are so young I sometimes make variations of the meal to make the food more accessible to little ones who are better with fingers than utensils and can’t handle the excessive spice that the grown-ups in our house prefer. An example is last night the adults had tacos, but the kids had quesadillas (done quickly in the microwave) with the taco meat, beans and produce on the side.
Kim Z Dale recently posted..List 5: Information Security Basics
Twitter: observacious
Yay! A fellow mama with kids who have different eating personalities! We actually do that too sometimes… use the same ingredients we’ve cooked but ‘lighten it up’ for the kids. Tacos is a great example… I separate everythign on their plates, where we make a big messy taco and add hot sauce. Also – if I make stir fry, they get rice, veggies, etc. before they’re all mixed up. Smoother sailing that way!
Mary Beth recently posted..Do I look frazzled yet? {A morning recap.}
Twitter: bloombing
Eek. I felt so passionate about responding that I didn’t re-read my comment. So many typos! Oh, well. You get the idea.
Twitter: observacious
Both my 6 and 4 year olds were great eaters as babies and toddlers. Now? Not so much. Both are quite picky, and both like different things from each other. But they know that our house is “not a restaurant”, so they don’t get to order what they want. I make one thing and if they don’t eat, they don’t eat. They are also motivated by “treats”, so if they do eat, they are rewarded. I try to make treats somewhat healthy, like apples with peanut butter, but if they’ve eaten well I allow a cookie or fruit snacks. It’s all hit or miss.
Erica recently posted..Music Wednesday – Boobies Edition
Ah yes, the turning tides. I’m hoping my tides will one day turn… but the theme for my daughter so far is “I was born this way.” Ha ha.
Twitter: bloombing
WOOOT! I am just like you and so happy to hear I’m not alone.
I stressed. Like whoa have I stressed. I was the one who almost killed herself breastfeeding until she was exactly 1 year. I hand made my baby food, all of it. I did all of that and you know what? She still doesn’t really eat.
When she was in that blissful period of basically eating anything, I thought I won the baby lotto. I was all “this isn’t so hard, why do kids end up eating only chicken nuggets for life?” And now, I’d cut off my arm to get her to eat any form of chicken (or meat at all).
She eats like a frat boy at school, and I know those meals are well balanced and perfect. At home, it’s another story. I basically contemplate whether I should put her dinner in front of her, or just throw it from the pot to the garbage. Even her “favs” are often scoffed at. Some days, I make small portions and she is asking for more, others she won’t even try a bite.
But she is healthy and not starving. She does eat at school and you know, the other day I caught myself negotiating that she eat a few bites of a grilled cheese before she got more broccoli and I had to stop and shake my damn head at myself.
This is a great post. I like what you’re saying here about not having meal time be a fight.
Brandee recently posted..What I Learned at BlogHer12 {other than nothing}
Twitter: Babe_Chilla
Woot!
Now I am imagining your little one eating like a frat boy… pizza… ramen noodles… cheese poppers… ha ha! Glad you dug my post!
Mary Beth recently posted..Do I look frazzled yet? {A morning recap.}
Twitter: bloombing
Pretty much. She had fries for dinner last night, but it was lazy Sunday. The night before she ate way more Cheezies than is acceptable but, we were having a party. Mostly she wants to eat string cheese and yogurt and berries. If she could live off bread and berries she’s be stoked. And cucumbers and broccoli so I guess we’re not doing SO bad. But meat? No never ever.
Brandee recently posted..What I Learned at BlogHer12 {other than nothing}
Twitter: Babe_Chilla
Ha ha! We have lazy days too… usually consists of turkey pepperoni, applesauce and chips and salsa (and wine for mama)! Cucumber and broccoli? Whattt?? Girl you are doing goooo-d!
Twitter: bloombing
I can’t tell you how much I needed this post! I do stress about my almost 16-month-old’s eating. He wouldn’t eat any finger foods besides puffs and crackers until after he was a year old. Sometimes a banana. Now, he will eat basically anything day care puts in front of him, but only select things for me (cereal, of course crackers, bananas, yogurt (his fave) sometimes ramen, and goldfish, I need stock in goldfish). I completely identify with the “eating like a frat boy.” I was all about the organic, and then my son wouldn’t eat anything, so at least now he eats ravioli, damn that it’s Chef Boyardee!
My doctor said, for a toddler, calories are calories. This helped me tremendously.
However, I still flip out on weekends when he eats a bowl of cereal in the morning, then goldfish the rest of the day. And, I have a hard time not thinking “someone else is raising my child” when he eats for day care and not me. I know this is working mama guilt, but it still whispers in my ear.
Twitter: kblank2
Oh my gosh I totally get the mama guilt about it – like, why do they eat tuna casserole at school yet only goldfish at home? I think partly peer pressure… they follow their toddler crowd. Also they’re more hungry -been playing and burning energy! Who knows. I used to hate when the daycare would tell me “oh he likes [insert healthy thing] so much” and I’d be like “yeah I know, I’m his mom” or “OMG he eats that for you?” and neither reaction felt good. I’m learning to just be happy he’s eating for them and getting nutrients in dat belly!
Twitter: bloombing
Baguette loves fruit, and I am relieved about that–but we’ve had more concerns over her not eating enough to worry too much about what she eats. (She eats a wide range of things, but often just isn’t interested in any of them.) We try to feed her things that are healthy, and we try to have a generally balanced day, but that’s about it.
Tragic Sandwich recently posted..What I Want to Tell Every New Parent
Twitter: tragicsandwich
Thank you for this post. I totally admire your honesty. This is SO realistic not just for working moms, but any moms. Lucky for me, my son has pretty much eaten anything we gave him since birth… Well… He did. In the last few months, he has decided he only likes certain foods once in a while. He decided he dislikes certain foods and throws them to the dog. My husband and I attempt to eat healthy but t the end of the day, if the kid didn’t finish a sweet potato, I’m not crying. I, like you, would much rather have a relaxing meal than fight!
Shannon recently posted..Working Mom Struggle: Lack of Change