Very often, I am singing my mother-in-law’s praises because in addition to raising three kids, taking care of her granddaughter, cooking three meals a day, cleaning, sewing, and a litany of other things she does that I can’t, she watches my son eight hours a day when I’m at work. God bless her. Chasing after toddlers is hard work for me at 26 years old… I can’t imagine how difficult it would be if I were twice that age.
When I think about the one-on-one attention my son is getting from what I call his “cultural childcare,” I smile. I know he gets to experience a very unique setting each day and hopefully, he will learn a second language because of our arrangement. When the school year finished, I spent time reminding myself of all the benefits of family daycare. But then, I hit a few road blocks. And I remembered that everything with pros also has cons.
So let’s talk about one major con to family day care.
My mother-in-law, father-in-law, two sisters-in-law, brother-in-law and niece along with an entourage of neighbors and friends planned a 4-day cruise for the month of August. Originally, the family wanted my husband, our son and I to join, but a mixture of finances and work obligations caused us to decline the offer. Now, we realize, we’re facing a problem.
For my husband and I, the school year begins on August 13. Before that, we both have to attend orientations at our schools for full days. Guess where Abuela is on those days before school AND the first day of school? Yeah. On a cruise in the Caribbean. With every other family member. Both of my parents and my brother work full-time, and we’ve never left our son with anyone else. So here we are, dumbfounded.
In a nutshell, Con #1 to family daycare: Said family can do whatever they want! If they want to go on a vacation, they go. If they need to drive to Ikea and don’t want a baby in tow, they’re entitled. When my mother-in-law suffered from colds or other illnesses last year, I (or my husband) had to call our schools, scramble together substitute lessons plans and take an unplanned day off to take care of our son. Sometimes, our “daycare”—a daycare that YES, we pay for (I hate that question)—simply isn’t an option. Those of you who use the traditional day care or preschool setting may have to deal with crazy drop-off times or Christmas closures, but typically, you know those things in advance. I don’t get a calendar of what days my father-in-law says they’re too booked up or my mother-in-law has the sniffles.
And when you’re a type A planner like me? The worst.
So what do we do? Well, we problem-solve. I really didn’t think I had many options. I have a few friends who stay at home with their children and I’m sure would say they’re more than happy to watch my son. But it would probably be a major inconvenience, I’d know that my son AND my friend’s child each couldn’t be getting one-on-one attention, and my son might not adjust well to a strange setting.
Thankfully, my brother is dating a girl who is not only beautiful on the outside, but beautiful on the inside, as well. She is kindly taking her usual days off from work (which coincidentally happen to be the days of the week we need to go into school—fate?) and coming to OUR HOUSE early in the morning to watch our son. I have total peace of mind because she has helped to raise two very energetic, outgoing, healthy nephews and she is keeping my son comfortable in his own environment. She is a lifesaver.
I’m truly curious if anyone out there has dealt with this. Do you have a nanny, home day care or family member who watches your child(ren)? What obstacles have you run into and how have you overcome them? Is there a “brother’s girlfriend” type in your life to swoop in and save the day? Please share!
I have an in-home mother’s help (Husband and I both work from home). She’s homeschooled and awesome. But, like any other kid (she’s 15), she gets sick, goes to camp, etc.
I have three people who I talked about being “back up” care in emergencies when neither my husband nor I can take off. Each one has agreed to take my child for one day in such a situation. We agreed to the same – that way, if they have that situation, we can cover them. Last week, I had two girls unexpectedly for the day when one of the women suddenly had her mother (and primary caregiver to her kids) go to the ER.
We also have our regular babysitter (who does our date nights) as a backup when school is out. She generally covers our regular helper when she goes to cheerleading camp in the summer.
It works well for us. Thankfully, we all have fairly flexible schedules so throwing a day “off” isn’t too bad for us.
Becky,
That flexibility must be nice and you have so many options! How old are your children? My son is only 16 months, so I’m hesitant to bring in a stranger or someone too young to understand what a toddler needs on the day to day. Have you gone by recommendations to get your babysitters for date nights, etc? We have ONLY used family so far.
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My MIL watches my son a few days a week and a friend watches him one day – and when they get sick or have car trouble, I have to miss work. It IS really hard and those days I wish more than anything that I had “regular” daycare, something reliable. I hate that feeling of “Oh great, here’s another one of those days” and hoping I’m not jeopardizing my job. I love that he’s with someone who loves him so much all day… but on the days it doesn’t work, I hate it.
I feel you!! I used multiple sick days last year… not that I always mind getting up later and chillin with my boy. But unplanned days away from work just make MORE work when you return!
Shannon recently posted..Working Mom Struggle: Lack of Change
E is in a home daycare and I feel your frustration! This past year has been tough as her two kids seem to have gotten ill with everything under the sun – at last minute. It’s a good situation most of the time; it just seems to happen at inconvenient times (because who gets sick when it’s convenient??). Thankfully I can usually take the day off work and work from home during her nap and keep up with email on my phone, but there are days when I have to be there for a meeting or have a deadline to meet. I hate using personal time when it’s not my daughter who’s sick.
In a pinch, I do call my mom and hope that she isn’t working that day. I have a few SAHM friends, but they all just had babies or are just about to and I can’t spring it on them. I just remind myself why we chose a home daycare in lieu of a traditional daycare and hope that her kids feel better in the morning.
I rely on my mother-in-law as well. She has watched our kids full-time until they reached the age of 2.5, and then we would usually do a split between a pre-school program and family care. I guess I have been really lucky in that she has stayed healthy and is so flexible with us. While we’ve had communication issues at times, and I am a total control freak, this arrangement has been such a blessing. She has forged such an amazing relationship with my kids, and my children love her so much. Whatever cons we experience are so small. I will forever be in debt to her.
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Twitter: breadwinningmom
Lordy. I don’t know if I can comment on this without writing a novel. My MIL watched my son from 12 weeks until almost 3 years old when we transitioned him to daycare at all of our requests. It was great b/c I knew he was getting awesome one-on-one care with his “Ama” and she wouldn’t take more than a tiny amount each month. The downside was no backup when/if she got sick as well as no backup for us if we needed a date night on the weekend. It really got bad last year when her mother was diagnosed with cancer and she naturally needed to be there for her mom. As a result, we took a lot of time off too. We begged her to let us look into daycare for the short term but she wouldn’t hear of it. Lots of stress all around and then 3 weeks after her mother died, she decided she couldn’t watch him anymore.
In summation: mostly awesome but some serious drawbacks
Twitter: KeAnne
I tell my friends that our “family member” daycare is absolutely wonderful 95% of the time. But when we’re in one of those 5% days, it makes me wish for a regular center that had substitute teachers! We have been so blessed that our son has been relatively healthy for the past two years (and I do place a large part of that on him staying with my mother in law instead of a regular daycare class.) So for the most part, our sick days have been when my MIL came down with something, and it feels weird to have to take a “sick day” when neither myself or my son is sick. Thankfully, we have found several excellent “back up” options that have saved the day more than once. It is hard, though, because we don’t want to ask her to watch him outside of the regular daytime hours as to give her her own time and space. I have gotten to the point that I ask my husband to have the “difficult” conversations with her, even though I do most of the care coordination, and so far it’s worked okay. We’ve been hesitant to start thinking about kid #2, though, because we don’t want to overwhelm her and have to take her health and ability to care for a toddler and a newborn into consideration. So yeah–wonderful most of the time, but so hard when you mix family and money and major scheduling plans.
It’s not the same b/c we do have a preschool most of the time (not family) but we have a back-up day care center. You may want to look into whether there is one near you. It’s incredibly helpful, and it’s a wonderful place. we started using it at 8mos old, b/c it was a great place and they were so good w/ our daughter
My mom comes to my house every day to watch my 2-year-old daughter…she has since the baby was four months old.
On the rare day that she has a doctor’s appointment or is sick, my husband is usually able to step in; he’s a fireman/ENT, and he has five straight days off out of every eight.
I realize our situation is unique, and we’re really blessed. If he can’t for some reason, I happily and gladly take off work. I save my vacation days, just in case!
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