The “One More Thing” I Can’t Do

I. Just. Can’t. Do. The. List.

I. Don’t. Say. Can’t.  Do you hear me?  I don’t use the word “can’t.”

Except when I have to.

I can and have done a lot of hard things.  {No my arm is not going out of joint from patting myself on the back.}  I was in the Peace Corps where I battled loneliness, amoebic dysentery, and worked to promote better health in my village.  I’ve moved 12 times since I was born and still have relatively stable mental health.  I wrote a letter to myself 5 years ago about my goals in 5 years and I’ve achieved all of them.

{Who is this girl?  I want to be her!}

As a woman who’s a mom, wife and works full time, I’ve done things I never thought myself capable of… even given aforementioned Peace Corps experience {I’ll shut up about that now.}  I pumped breast milk in my office every day 3 times a day for almost 2 years.  I’ve nursed a baby, painted with a toddler, let the dogs out and picked up trash off the floor all at the same time.  I’ve handled at least half of home chores and all of my work chores for over 4 years while meeting the needs of dependent individuals and not once was a bill paid late, an appointment missed, or a work assignment not completed successfully.

{Seriously.  Where is my cape?}

So why the hell can’t I get my act together and send a list to daycare of all the books my daughter reads each week during the summer?

What is wrong with me?  It even gives me some anxiety right now writing about it. It’s a simple request!  Just a list!  Every week!  And we only read, what, like 15-20 books per week?  You know, the books I order through the online library request and swing by and pick up on my way to get the kids, time allowing and it’s not a Thursday because the library is closed.  And the list is due Friday, which is the same day as water play so I must remember also that both kids need water shoes, towels, swim diaper / bathing suit, and oh –with their sunscreen already on.  Don’t forget their snack.

But making a list is so easy!  Yep – because we read books as the last thing at night, to wind down and snuggle and let the other worries of the day melt away, and after closing the last book, I can just turn to my night stand and…. Wait… now I have to get up and get some paper and a pen, and put them away later so the baby won’t get a hold of them.  Then we’ll really have a mess on our hands.

OK.  You know what?  I can do many things…  [Cue Meatloaf music…]  But I can’t do the list.  It hasn’t happened yet and it ain’t gonna happen.  You know that “one more thing” they’re always talking about that will drive you over the edge?  The little tiny list of books, for me, is that “one more thing.”  And I know I’ve moved a lot, but moving off the edge is not something I’m up for any time soon.

 P.S.  I told my daughter’s daycare teacher that I Just. Can’t. Do. The. List.  I promised her that we read books every night.  She said she understands … and said something about a treat.  Then all I heard was blah blah blah.  Isn’t that horrible?  The list just turns my brain off.  The list will likely come back to haunt me.  My girl’s not missing an ice cream party due to my fail!

What are some things you seem to struggle to get done despite all the other things you rock at doing and making time for?