Let’s face it – as moms, every now and then you take that jab at your status personally. If you work, stay home, work from home – at some point someone will say something stupid and it will cut you in half no matter how it was intended. This was one of those times for me.
This year scheduling swimming lessons has been like a root canal with no Novocain. Last year wasn’t all that and a box of cookies either. I took off of work two hours on six different days to make the lessons, but living at the beach and the little guy constantly exposed to water and running up and down the docks makes his ability to swim a top priority.
This year I’m more swamped than normal at the office and I can’t just up and leave for a few hours to hit the pool. Once sure, but not for a round of swimming lessons. So when I got the call that the 5 pm class (cutting it close, but doable) was canceled because I had the only enrolled kid the following conversation left me in working momma tears.
Her: I’m calling to inform you that your son’s swim lessons are being canceled. I’ve moved you into the 10:15 class.
Me: I can’t make the 10:15 class. I have to work and won’t be able to leave for the class.
Her: Then I’ll switch you to private lessons, if you’ll give me your credit card number I’ll go ahead and run the difference on that for you.
Me: Well, I’d like to discuss it with my husband first and will call back in the morning. He’s working today and won’t be home until later.
Her: Well, unfortunately you have to work and can’t accommodate your child so if you’ll give me your card number upgrading you to private lessons will be easier.
Unfortunately I have to work. I can’t accommodate my child. Ouch.
I’m not sure what got under my skin more – the over eagerness for my credit card information or that it’s so “unfortunate” that I have to work. After talking with my Husband, the end result is private lessons for our little swimmer, but not with the lady I spoke to.
I know we’ve got crazy schedules and work some crazy hours from time to time, but that doesn’t make me a less fit mother. We do what we have to, from eating the cost of private swim lessons to paying for full time daycare in addition to preschool for him because in our small town there are no full time care preschools (really not a single one).
But it’s not at all unfortunate that I have to work; it’s because I work that we can give him so many extras. That is our reality as a family. It’s not that I can’t or won’t accommodate my boy – be me for one day and you’d see that. I think as moms we feel that a lot – just be me, see what it is I do for my child(ren) and you’d know that no matter the situation we’re doing what is right for us.
Have you ever had someone take a jab at you for being a working parent? Have you ever felt that extracurriculars are not thought of with the working parent in mind? And we wonder if this is a small town problem or if those of you living in bigger cities experience these types of problems. What are your thoughts?
Carole lives a life surrounded by water as a marine biologist married to a fisherman. Their greatest catch to date is their son Allan, who fills the house with laughter, way too many trains, and causes trouble with his sidekick, Sandy Dog. Nestled in a secluded part of NC, they comb the beaches soaking up the sand and salt. She talks about the high seas of life over at Surf Momma and tweets as @SurfMommaBlog.
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WHAT!? What a beotch! Yay for you for going with someone else. I did swim lessons this year for the first time and they were actually offered at times between 4 and 5:30. Which I could make but is still iffy for other working parents.
Wow, beeyotch! My local YMCA only has classes during the weekday, during the daytime. It’s like they don’t realize or care that working parents might want activities for their children on the weekend.
I had similar issues with trying to get Abby into a gym class on Saturday. They were telling me about all the weekday classes that were open that she could be in. Um NO! I work. Can’t do that. This was at our YMCA where classes are on a lottery system. I finally was able to talk to the person in charge of the preschool gym classes and begged and pleaded and she told me that if someone didn’t show up to the first Saturday class, we were in, and lucky for us it worked that way. But my experience with her, was so very different. She told me that I could always chat with her before classes began and remind her that as a working parent my class choices are limited. It was great to hear her being supportive. I’m so sorry you had to deal with this.
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I live near a big city (Wash DC) and I have similar problems. Most of the moms around here work, but the baby-preschool extracurriculars don’t really reflect that. For the activities we do, there is usually 1 weekend class versus 3 or 4 weekday morning/afternoon classes. However they fill up FAST! For the dance and soccer classes my kids do, I am good as long as I sign up the first day. The downside is that I have to be on top of registration day. I usually put a call in to the director to find out when sign up day is and put it on my calendar. For county classes (much cheaper and therefore 10X as popular) if you are not signed up within 10 minutes of opening, which is at 4:55 AM (not the 5:00 AM advertised, learned that the hard way) you are not getting in. For spring swim lessons, my husband was on one computer and I was on another so we could register both my kids for saturday morning swim lessons. It is basically a competitive sport around here! I am sorry that woman was so mean to you! If it makes you feel any better, we signed my son up for private lessons at our pool this summer and he is learning WAY more than he did in his group lessons. It was definitely worth the extra money.
It does feel like it’s own competitive sport to get your kids enrolled in the things you want for them! I’ve told my husband many times I need to start a business to provide working moms with details on programs and events that work around their hours because like you said, it takes the extra phone calls and self reminders! We did go with the private lessons and he learned a ton! As always, it all worked out it was the getting there!
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I hate it when people act like that. I’m a single working mom. If I don’t work, no one eats or has a place to live. My kids take karate and luckily, they have been more than accomidating letting my younger son take a class with older kids because it is later. I gave up o swim lessons this year because it was just impossible. I’m teaching my kids myself at the pool.
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You go!! It’s great that you’ve got people working with your schedule!
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I think of all of the classes, swim is the most challenging for working parents. I live in Southern California and most of the classes are Monday through Thursday in the afternoons. My husband is a teacher, so he has summers off. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to do it. I have older kids too, and I have to say it continues to get challenging. We’ve had coaches set soccer practice times during the week for 4 p.m. Do any of these people work? Hang in there. I’m glad you were able to find a solution for your son.
Oh, and to your point about being able to give your son more because you are a working mom … I totally agree. I am able to give all three of my kids opportunities because of my income.
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We get private (for the two girls together), and it’s been a huge pain to get them after working hours. Each year it seems I get pushed back earlier and earlier with them being at 4pm this year. My husband and I each take a half day off work, and we alternate leaving early for the 8 weeks of lessons. And they wonder why I don’t want to commit to ongoing lessons?
I think the only thing worse for me is religious education classes. Going into first grade, this will be our first year enrolled. There are 4 class times – M,W,F at 5 pm and one 6:30pm class on Mondays. You can give them a preference, but no guarantees on your time slot. We have a HUGE parish, and I don’t want my kids to miss out on this because I work and we can’t afford the $ for Catholic school.
Wow. Just, wow. And it’s not that you “can’t accommodate your child.” It’s that you can’t accommodate the way that organization handles scheduling. Totally different.
Our Y offers Saturday swim lessons, but they filled up before we could sign up for them. We’re going to do them in the fall, if we can, because we also think swimming lessons are a priority.
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One thing I cannot handle is blatant rudeness. Kudos to you for not jumping through the phone to strangle the chick, and even more kudos for finding another person to teach your son to swim. Clearly, she wasn’t worth the time or money.
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Yeah, it’s hard to not want to jump through the phone at plain rudeness! Remember Ghost Dad (as I date myself as an 80s child) when Bill Cosby went through the phone – that would be fun to do sometimes!
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My boys are still young (3 yrs and 15 months) but I forsee this is my future. I dread having to fight to get them into things that we can attend. Both my hubby and I work typical 8:30-5:00 jobs and commute over an hour (him sometimes 2 hours). I have already encountered some of this when trying to sign him up for swim classes through the county. All of them were in the middle of the weekday and the very few they had on weekends filled up very quickly. It should be interesting the older he gets.
Ouch. What a thoughtless, hurtful comment! We don’t have many options for after-hours extracurricular activities either. There are lots during working hours but maybe one on the weekend. It sucks.
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Thoughtless? I’m thinking that mean lady put a lot of thought into it.
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I guess I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and that she didn’t realize how awful she was being. I could be wrong.
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The only thing that saved my sanity while raising children was my extended family. My dad took my son to choir, My Mom and Sister-in-law kept my children while I worked. My husband and I chose to divide and conquer, I did the dance lessons and he did the scouts and ball games. Neither of my children grew up to be ax murderers or serial killers and both now of children of their own and are experiencing the frustration of a society that thinks bringing up children is not important.
Seriously, screw that lady! I’ve had jabs directed at me, but never from someone who’s job it is to serve me – if I were you, I’d put in a complaint about that person’s bad attitude and insulting manner.
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I’m with you… nobody should try to shame a stranger like that. She should be called out on her hurtfulness and insensitivity towards a CUSTOMER.
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I love you for writing this. I had this problem for swimming. I had this problem for music, dance, gymnastics (i was looking for ANYTHING active that I could actually get to) for my toddler. I leave my house by 6 so I can get my daughter early enough to get to stuff in the afternoon (and preschool ends at 4:15) and people were trying to tell me it was fault I couldn’t make it to 10am classes on Tuesdays because I don’t care enough about my child. I have looked for activities on 2 occassions and ended up in tears both times, b/c it feels like my working means my kid can’t do this stuff- not b/c we don’t care enough, but b/c classes are only offered for SAHMs. and then the people on the phone are rude. As of we working parents don’t have enough to deal with. And I live in San Diego- plenty urban. Glad you found something that would work for your family. It does seem like swim lessons are important.
When I told my husband’s grandmother how much my son likes his daycare teacher, she said TWICE, “That’s because she’s a mommy figure.” And nodded knowingly. Yes, she’s 82, but that didn’t stop me from wanting to smack her across the room! (I didn’t.) People who are not working moms have no real clue how it affects us when they make us feel like we’re somehow falling short as parents.
Maybe this swimming woman was just clueless–maybe she was thinking of her own kids to get home to. But I think we all need to be cognizant of other people’s feelings, regardless of our own situation.
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