A good number of my working mom friends visit their little ones at daycare from time to time. They take them out to lunch, they come to see a special splash day or just to come read books. I have to admit, before Landon was born, I envisioned this. I would run and grab him for lunch at my work and head back over. Popping in to read to the class and then bouncing. It would be a special treat and he would be so excited.
Then I became a parent.
Now when Landon was an infant, I could pop over to feed him no problem. He didn’t know the difference. Fed, sleepy…out. It was nice. I would even drop by and see him for a minute and then run in the neighborhoods nearby because I could. (I cut this short due to PPA and the added stress of carving that time in my day but I digress.) But after his first birthday, I saw this was never going to work. I think I got my first glimpse when I had to go at lunch to give him eye drops. This did not bode well for my routine driven tot. It went something like this “YAY! MOMMY IS HERE!” and then when I left, he didn’t get it. He didn’t understand why he wasn’t going with me. He would lose it and there I was, the mom who left her screaming child 15 minutes until nap time. Oy. I am sure they shot me the finger on that one.
Ever since then, any glitch in the routine of daycare just drills home the point that I can’t just pop in for visits. Even getting there a teeny bit later due to a doctor’s appointment or something means drastic mood swings. We never know what we are getting ourselves into. Sometimes he sees his BFF and is off but then sometimes he is jarred by so many kids already being there (we are usually one of the first). It is always a ticking time bomb.
Honestly, I am kinda bummed. I think a lot of it has to do with our on site daycare. There, more parents can grab their kids for lunch and pop them right back in. No worries. I see them EVERY DAY. Families eating lunch together. A daughter getting so excited that she gets to have frozen yogurt with sprinkles with Daddy. A little boy stoked about his octodog and milk. I get jealous…but I don’t get crazy. I could do that part too…but then it would probably be melt down city when I pulled back into that daycare parking lot.
While I want everything to be fairly equal for my boys, I am kinda giddy that “Dolphin” will be in onsite care. I will be starting off nursing him at daycare from day one. Maybe my constant presence will help and once he is older, he can see mommy is RIGHT THERE and will be back in a few hours. I sure hope so.
Do you pop in to see your kids? How does it go? Am I overthinking this? Does it get easier with preschoolers and would I have a shot with Landon in the years to come?
Our daycare is 20 mins from work… so I can’t just pop over. When there’s an event, though, I’ll take time to be there… like the recent trike-a-thon. My daughter (4) gets a little upset that I have to leave and she can’t go with me. It usually involves prolonged holding, hugging, and soothing…. but it works out ok. I guess we just have to – like always – balance the pros and cons. At her previous daycare I’d go have lunch sometimes. We’d talk about it a LOT ahead of time… so she’d know I’d have to leave. I don’t remember tears!
Mary Beth recently posted..Playing with MyMemories
Twitter: bloombing
We have been working with the “talking it through” on many things lately so maybe there is some hope there. He understands better and better. Good call.
Twitter: mannlymama
That’s a tough one. I haven’t visited D at day care yet, but he is so hyper when he sees me at pick up, I think that a visit would probably lead to a melt down. When he was in preschool, I helped with a couple of parties, and having the moms come and go was hard on some of the kids. Maybe you can try it again next fall and see what happens?
Twitter: KeAnne
That’s what I am wondering. Though now thinking about it, nursing the new one will eat up my lunch break…but i imagine i could give L a surprise here and there. Especially if he is having a tough transition.
Twitter: mannlymama
I don’t pop in because it isn’t feasible for me, but I think this is something that would get easier as he gets older, and it would be all about setting expectations. “Mommy is going to come read a story to your class today, but then I have to go back to work.” Something like that. As he gets a little older and his understanding gets better then it will be easier to do.
Jennifer recently posted..Project 365, Week 26
Talking about it might be the way to help. Seems to be popular opinion.
Twitter: mannlymama
Drop in’s were never great with any of mine including the current one over there. When the older two were in preschool right before K – we started going over a bit more or taking them out to lunch, etc – but not until there was solid reasoning and understanding on their part… just not worth the upset before then!!
But man don’t the kids at work make you want to do bad sometimes? ARG!
Twitter: mannlymama
I’m only in week three but I think drop-ins would be horrible for my kids.
Hannah has extreme separation anxiety. She’s usually pretty distraught when we leave her but she calms down pretty quickly and has good days. Coming to see her during the day would be a recipe for disaster.
I think Madison could probably handle it a little better but I’m really afraid it would throw off her routine.
I’m glad that the daycare is by our house and not our offices which makes the “drop in” pretty much impossible.
I do plan on going if they ever have a program or special event but those are usually for the older kids and hopefully I could side step being seen by Hannah for fear of upsetting her too much.
Twitter: RaisingMadison
Ninja mom! I know I have ran by the window with super speed to avoid the sightings and screams
Twitter: mannlymama
dude, I even have to be Ninja mom when I get home from work if Clint has already picked her up. She loses her mind when she sees me. I have to sneak in and go straight to our bedroom if I want any chance of peeing & changing before she’s stuck to me like glue.
Twitter: RaisingMadison
I went back to work when my daughter was 8 weeks old. And from that time until she moved up into the 1 year old class, I dropped by regularly on my lunch break. If she was sleeping, I just left or played with the other kids. I loved it. It was so nice to pop in and have her light up; on rough days, it made the rest of the day a lot easier to get through.
Now that she’s older, I do not visit during the day unless they are having a party or a special event because it interrupts her nap time.
My daughter’s daycare is around the corner from my office, so I could pop in, but I don’t. She is nearly 2 and has been in daycare since 10 weeks old. The disruption to her schedule isn’t worth the few minutes I would get to spend with her. She would just be confused. I saw this happen once when she was just over 1 year old. I left the room I dropped her off in to put her things away. When I came back to say goodbye, she didn’t understand why she wasn’t leaving with me and threw a fit.
Another reason is timing. They nap during my lunch time, so she would be sleeping anyway. I schedule doctor or dentist appointments either first thing in the morning or last one in the afternoon to avoid the need to take her back to school. One time, I just couldn’t get an appointment except for mid-day. Took her back and it was a disaster!
Yeah i had to do it for a quick ear check appt once and he was so confused when we got back to school. I think I left in tears that day. Oy!
Twitter: mannlymama
I can pop in now with my 3 year old, but there was a time that it would have been a disaster. I think it just depends on the kid. Obviously my 7 month old could care less right now… I’m not looking forward to the separation anxiety that will happen shortly. Ugh.
kassie recently posted..Best Age
When I work (during the school year), it’s impossible because the commute is 35 minutes and I only have a 30 minute lunch.
During the summer when E is there and I am home with the baby, I just don’t unless after the pop in, he is coming home with me. Once i went on field trip with them and took Eddie home with me after. But I would NEVER stop in and then leave. He would lose his bacon.
Plus? maybe it sounds mean, but he is there in the summer for a reason. So we can be apart.
Katie recently posted..the wonder of language
Twitter: ksluiter
yeah. I am wondering with L getting where he can comprehend more, maybe he will be able to work it out. I guess part is guilt that I will spend a lot of my lunches and breaks with Dolphin. Blurg.
Twitter: mannlymama
My daycare is onsite as well and I yes I do drop in any day I am on his campus which happens two or three times a week (we are one school on two campuses separated by 2 miles). I will meet him on the playground, take him for a walk on the campus, put him down for his nap or take him to lunch. Honestly, he does okay. We have other issues, but those middle of the day disruptions do not phase him. I always tell him days I am stopping by and tell him when I leave that I have to work and always come back and he accepts it. Maybe I just hit the jackpot on this one?
Kristi recently posted..A Recap- Bloomington-Normal
Twitter: mamaofthefisch
I, too, envisioned going to the daycare when I could during the day to eat lunch with my boys or read or play with them. But once they got old enough to recognize that I was leaving and they weren’t, I had to stop. The meltdowns were awful, and like you said, I’m sure the teachers were thrilled they got to deal with th aftermath! I remember saying after a Valentine party (or some other party) as I left the daycare with my heart aching because my son was crying and calling, “Mama, please don’t leave! I said please!” that it just wasn’t worth it. I might get a cute picture or two or watch him eat a cupcake, but the resulting meltdown was just too excruciating. For everyone.
The teachers at our daycare are always sweet about it and say, “Don’t worry, Mom. He’ll be fine before you are out of the building.” And it’s true. He would be fine and happily playing when I returned to pick him up. I knew that.
But that didn’t mean that I would be.
Kristin recently posted..Tazed
Yup. Exactly. I know they calm down but it really doesn’t benefit anyone at this rate. O well
Brandy recently posted..What A Mighty Good Mann
Twitter: mannlymama