As I sat, having a conversation with my 16 year-old cousin, I was shocked to learn that there are girls her age, attending an expensive private school, that are planning to attend college for their Mrs. Degree. She explained that a lot of them planned to go into fields that would be easy to leave and return if that’s what they chose to do.
Um…what??!
I was appalled. What year are we in? Why would you waste money on all that education when your goal was to let it go to waste?
And then, I stopped. And thought. And felt like a judgmental moron. I am always envious of my teacher friends when holiday breaks roll around. I am always wishing I could work part-time or from home when the weather is bad. I stress now (my oldest is only 3) about how I am going to handle drop-off and pick-up from school since I am not at home for either time period. I would be thrilled if I had thought ahead and chosen a major that lead me to a job that met any of those needs that I struggle with now. My family is top priority. Why wouldn’t I want my job to fit the needs of my family and not the other way around?
Do I think it’s a little risky to go to school only to find a husband? Yes. I think the main reason for seeking further education should be for yourself and your aspirations. I think going for anything else as a main priority is just going to lead to resentment down the road. But is it kind of smart to think ahead and consider what life will be like when you have a family? Definitely. I actually wish I had done that a little more. Though, the difficult part is, I thought I had. It’s hard to know what it’s like to leave those babies until you have them. It’s hard to know how much flexibility will be important and how hard the guilt and balancing act are going to be when you are 17 and 18 years old and choosing your life path.
As far as letting an education go to waste, well, I don’t think there is ever such a thing really. I think I am just envious of the choices that people have. I don’t have a choice because I (or should I say the bank) paid a lot for my education and have to work to pay off student loans. (There are many other reasons that I work but that is another post for another day). If I had the choice to stay home with the kids, I would still want that degree. It is mine and nobody can take that away from me. My education and college experience is valuable in so many respects other than my traditional employment.
So are those girls just rich snobs who have no clue about the real world? Maybe. But maybe they are on to something. I think it can be beneficial to consider that your wants and needs career wise will change once kids come along and build in some flexibility for yourself.
Amanda is an under-appreciated social worker by day and a slave to dishes and laundry at night. She loves spending time with her husband Eric, 3 year-old son Owen, and daughter Ava who is 20 months old, though she wishes she could add a couple more hours to the day. She survives on coffee and the cute things her kids say. You can find her on Twitter @Manders826.
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Stats show that educated moms have healthier, happier babies… regardless of whether they work outside the home or not. So education is worth it, regardless your career path. I’m right with you…. social worker…. wanting more time with my kids. I think the answer is appropriately paid part-time work and affordable available part-time daycare. the best of both worlds!
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I think you are right. I think part-time can help create that balance, the best of both worlds as you said, that we all struggle sometimes to find.
i think your cousin is pretty smart. “a lot of them planned to go into fields that would be easy to leave and return if that’s what they chose to do” – i don’t know of many fields that would allow this because often times, we are faced with losing career growth momentum or we become stagnant in keeping up with changes in a particular industry. but it’s smart of her and her friends to think ahead to a career path that will allow them flexibility in the future.
i’m at that crossroads myself. my industry is notorious for working however many hours are necessary. by the time people have families, they usually leave the industry or they wait until they’re so senior that they can make special arrangements to leave early or afford a live-in nanny or something like that. i got married and had my kid pretty young for within my industry (i’m 31, and most of the other moms i know are closer to 40), and i already know that i can’t keep up at this pace that the industry demands. so i will need to look for something else soon if we’re planning a baby #2. it’s hard. i don’t have answers, but i think mary beth is right. appropriately paid part-time work and affordable available part-time daycare would be the best of both worlds!
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I’m glad you brought up the idea of “losing career growth momentum” and “keeping up with changes in the particular industry.” It’s something that I think about often that makes me glad to be a working Mom. I fear that if I leave, there will be no place for me back in. And I am not crafty at all so my own business is out of the question =)
I always thought I’d be a SAHM, but got my degree in engineering and pursued that career path after I graduated. I am very lucky that I ended up in an area that allows me to work part-time from home while still contributing to our household income. I definitely think getting a MRS degree isn’t something women should strive to do, but pursuing a degree (teaching, nursing, etc.) that allows more flexibility when you have a family is definitely something to consider.
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Both careers are hard manual labor. both pay well if you are good at what you do. I say yes masonary is a good career to raise a family
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Going for the MRS. degree is a risky move – just take a look at divorce statistics!
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I went to college fully expecting to work full-time throughout my career. I also didn’t think about it as a “Mrs.” degree — but I assumed that one day I would have children. However, I did decide to be a teacher because I thought it would provide me with the most flexibility to continue to my career and be with my children, which has proven to be true. Are there moments where I wish I would have gone to law school? Absolutely. But I truly can’t imagine what that life would look like for me.
Great post.
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Exactly! Glad it worked out for you!
I think the issue is men typically don’t (and aren’t expected to) plan their careers around having families whereas women do and are often times judged on their choices. I sometimes catch myself complaining about my travel schedule or wanting the opportunity to work part time (usually when sleep deprived!) and wonder why I don’t hear the same sentiments from men. It’s this imbalance that makes me cringe when I hear young women talk about Mrs. Degrees.