I’d like to taste my food again. Is that too much to ask? It’s always, “You feed the baby while I eat” or “He needs to be changed now” or “Hurry up, he’ll be awake any minute.” (That last one can apply to more than just dinner.) I remember a time when I didn’t have to chew my food like a malnourished dog.
I’d like to pee in peace. Good Lord. I swear, as soon as I feel the need to pee, the baby wakes up from a nap, or puts something in his mouth that isn’t supposed to be there or the telephone rings or I’m late for work. Or, well, you know. Everything. I never realized peeing was a luxury.
Since I had my son, I have peed in various public places in less than ideal fashions: handicapped stalls while stretching my arms and body like Mark Teixeira to hold the baby on a changing table (Kudos to you if you understand baseball analogies—I will use them often); family restrooms with the stroller wheeled in front of me—big brown eyes wondering where he is and why I’m making tinkling noises at him; teeny tiny stalls with no other option than to let the baby sit on the floor. I know. Disgusting, right? But I seriously couldn’t hold it. I didn’t have the stroller. I didn’t have anyone to hold him. He’s way too mobile to chill on a changing table. And my buttons were too tight to do the whole hold-him-and-pee thing. Which you know you’ve done—don’t lie. And don’t judge me. I washed his hands off after… I think.
I’d like to sleep in, circa 2004. High school summer vacation style. Til noon. And then eat. And take a nap. Maybe watch a movie in my pajamas. And repeat the process.
I’d like to get in the car and go somewhere without an hour’s worth of prep work beforehand. Car seat. Bottles. Snacks. Diapers. Wipes. Sippy cups. High chair cover. Toys.
I’d like to be able to take some time for me.
One thing EVERY mom—work at home, work outside the home, stay at home, hybrid, whatever you call yourself—fails to do at one point or another is take care of herself. We’re busy wifing, cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, working, mommying. We wear all these figurative hats, but forget that at some point, we were individuals. We treated ourselves once in a while.
I’m not the type of person who requires much. I’m not a big shopper or spender. I don’t need my nails or hair done every two weeks. But there is one thing I do splurge on every once in a while. I love a good pedicure. So, one of the things I do for me (even though as I type this I realize I can’t remember the last time I went) is try to get regular pedicures. I sit in a chair outside of my house, soak my feet, sometimes read a book, breathe a little, and spend a half hour as Shannon. Not as Wife. Not as Teacher. Not as Mommy. Just as Shannon.
And it feels good.
If I don’t have the money or time to actually go to a spa for a pedicure, I try to recreate the atmosphere at home and give myself one. Obviously, it feels better when someone else massages my feet, but it also feels better to have that extra cash at the end of the week. If the baby is in bed, and I can spend a few minutes soaking my feet and painting my nails, I still consider that a success. It’s something I did for me.
Another “me time” item I have to address relates to my own physical wellbeing. I have always suffered from neck and back pain, and a car accident in 2010 left me with serious muscle spasms, mostly on my left side. Carrying around a 23-lb 11-month-old doesn’t help, so again, even though I’m not the greatest example of giving yourself time for you, I do attempt to get chiropractic adjustments and massages when I can. This way, I am a healthy enough “me” to be a healthy wife, teacher, and mom.
Hobbies can also help working moms tap into their individualities. But who has time for a hobby? I may not have time to attend pottery classes in the evenings, but I do have time to set up my fantasy baseball roster online after the baby goes to bed. I know it’s not every woman’s cup of tea, but I like me some MLB (totally didn’t mean for that to rhyme). Find something—no matter how small—that you are truly interested in and that does not cross over the wife and mom lines.
Some of my working mom friends scrapbook. Others take baths in the evenings to unwind. Some are furthering their education with Master’s degrees and doctorate programs. Some take their dogs to dog parks. Some work out multiple times a week.
Every woman needs something.
When it comes down it, I don’t really regret that I can’t sleep until noon on weekends because the little brown-eyed face that looks happily up at me because he’s well-rested is so, so, SO worth it. I don’t regret not being able to go to dinner and a movie every Friday night with my husband because strolls around the block are much more relaxing and are exactly how I pictured my life post-baby. But I will continue to get pedicures. And I will take the deepest breaths I’ve taken all week when I lie down for that massage. Because those little moments just for me make me a better working mom. And because, well, I deserve it. And so do you.
photo credit: massagetherapyprograms.net
I have SO put my kid on the floor so I could pee. I have also paid money to rent a freaking stroller at an outlet mall we passed on a road trip JUST so I’d have something to put my kid in while I peed.
I need more me time… maybe I’ll try the home spa pedicure…
Law Momma recently posted..My Little Miracle
Thank GOD someone else has done that!!!
Shannon recently posted..All Moved to WordPress!
I love it. “Every women needs something.” Just like my grading at Starbucks with just me
Also, love the idea of doing things at home to save on money. I’m so getting on that.
And…23 pound 11-month-old…my almost 2.5 year old weighs 24 pounds…but she’s always been tiny…and a huge ball of energy!
Twitter: wa_tracy
When I read on your nutrition/compromise post that Abby was so small, I giggled a little bit at my butterball turkey! My son is SOLID. I only gained 14 lbs my whole pregnancy and I felt like I NEVER ate anything, but he weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz! How in the heck??? Either way, he’s a big tough boy to be carrying around for sure! Your daughter is sweet and petite, like little girls should be
Shannon recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Mommy’s Little Helper
I agree that every woman needs something! I do occasional happy hour meet ups with girlfriends, and this weekend I’m getting a pedicure with a friend, which are all awesome, but really…My thing? I would LOVE to have a day, or even just an afternoon at home, alone. Not naptime. Not while the hubby & kids are outside. Completely alone. I don’t want to have to GO somewhere to get me time. You know?
Twitter: lilmissrysmama
I’ve peed with E in the Ergo more times than I can count – both in and out of the house. One time, I had to pee with the door open b/c the stall was SO small I couldn’t hover and have her strapped to my front with the door closed…..the things we do
I go for a quickie $30 pedi with my BFF as often as I can. It used to be monthly but that was PRE baby…now, it’s probably only quarterly lol.
Babe_Chilla recently posted..Let’s Learn About Chilla!
Twitter: Babe_Chilla
I forgot about peeing when the little guy was in the Moby! It was always interesting to try to lift him and button my pants!
Shannon recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Mommy’s Little Helper
I, too, have had back issues complicated by car accident and carry around my whopping 35 lbs of 2 yr old (she’s hugely solid, but still too young to understand ‘mommy can’t). Do you use a FSA for pre-tax massages? That doesn’t save time, but helps on the $ front (and the feeling guilty about spending $, since if it’s in an FSA it’s use it or lose it). I like to pee with my daughter now- she sits on her little potty across from mine. It’s like bonding, right? At the least, it means I get to pee! Hooray! Also, on very rare occasions when I’ve been a little sick for a long time and am not getting totally well, I just stay home for a day and watch tv and take a nap. That’s one luxury sahms don’t have if they don’t have preschool or daycare.
cayley rice recently posted..Week of March 11: Guest Post!!!
I don’t know what using FSA for pre-taxed massage means??? Haha!
Shannon recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Mommy’s Little Helper
If you get a doctor (in CA a chiropractor works, too, but it varies by state) to fill out a letter of medical necessity stating that you need therapy massage for chronic pain/well-being alleviation then you can get them reimbused through a flexible spending account (if you set one up, usually through work). It means you put $ in the account before you pay taxes on it, so whatever you end up using the money for you save what you would have paid in taxes on that money- 25% is a reasonable estimate (obviously your tax rate depends on all kinds of things, but this is a decent ballpark). Thus you can save 25% or so on massages! The catch is that the $ disappears at the end of year if you don’t spend it. The up side of that is it’s a great excuse to get more massaged.
cayley rice recently posted..Week of March 11: Guest Post!!!
Amen, although what I find incredible is that you found the time to post about this. I read (and in some cases know personally) a lot of bloggers who are mommies. (I hate the overused term that reverses those nouns.) Before kids I was an active writer, occasionally online but mostly plays, but since having my son 3 years ago (and then my daughter a year ago) I’ve rarely had time to write anything beyond the kids’ baby books and a one-line a day journal. I don’t know how you ladies do it.
As for other me time, I like Bikram Yoga. I even did it on Monday…for the first time in 2 months. Oy. I need to get on that. A pedicure wouldn’t be bad either. And a margarita.
Twitter: observacious
Kim, it’s funny that you mention it because I actually confided in Tracy that I sent this post to myself in a text message while the baby was napping on the boppy pillow in my lap for twenty minutes on Tuesday and all I had handy was my cell phone! And margaritas always sound good!
Shannon recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Mommy’s Little Helper
Brilliant! And although somewhat limiting I think “trapped under a sleeping baby” is often a great use of a mom’s time. Those opportunities are too fleeting. My kids have largely outgrown that.
Twitter: observacious
I feel a little honored, because I think I’m one of those “working mom friends” you referenced. I wouldn’t consider ANYTHING I do a hobby right now. Master’s degree = no fun. Not even going to use it. Gym = remove 11 month old pregnancy weight. No fun. Need to lose it. (And I DID intend for that to rhyme!)
But you know what? I graduate in six weeks. And in six weeks, I’m going to JoAnn Fabrics and I’m going to sign up for a crochet course. And then I’m going to crochet my brains out. Your boy is going to have 39723872 blankets and beanies. THAT will be my hobby!!!
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After a long week of my stressful job. I think I want to do something for my self to. Thanks that you shared this blog. I realized my self needs a bit of relaxed.
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