REAL Men Support ALL Mothers

By · March 15, 2012 · 25 Comments
Making It Work, Stop The Nonsense, The Choice To Work · Tagged: , , , , , ,

I just overheard something on the street that got so far under my skin, it has completely derailed me. Instead of taking some sort of lunch break, or holding onto this until I have time to sit down and post, I am writing it now. I have to deal with it, and because I couldn’t kick the lady on the street in the shins (or you know, in the taco as Alicia would say) it’s coming out here.

I was casually following these ladies back from grabbing a sandwich. They were chatting about the joys of being a grandparent, about how it’s nice to spoil the kids and give them back all hopped up on sugar. They talked about how it’s a different kind of love. I was eavesdropping totally, because I am both nosey and love to hear people talk about kids but, I wish I had stopped before the next portion of the dialogue.

The lady who was talking about her granddaughter transitioned into talking about her poor daughter, and how she is forced to work. Now I don’t know anything about these people so it may very well be that the daughter WOULD prefer to stay home but that isn’t what got to me, it was the next part. She started to talk about when she worked before she had kids, and how she loved that job but took a 15 year hiatus and could never get back into the industry. And then this sentence and I quote:

“I consider myself lucky though, because MY husband is a REAL man and he insisted I stay home and raise his children.”

Excuse me? I am not sure I heard you correctly because where I live, someone INSISTING I do something does not a man make.

I’m sure I’m overreacting here; I was already feeling a bit ragey when I went out and this just enraged me further. Obviously this woman is feeling defensive over her daughter’s situation and probably resentful of her son in law (ok I’m projecting but I see no other explanation here), but does she realize what she just said? I’d also like to point out that these ladies were in their late 40s early 50s tops, these were not granny’s from the era where that WAS the way the world worked and being a man DID mean not expecting your wife to work. No, these women were from the exact same era as my mother, and all of her friends. Women who have worked since their children were born in the 80s, women who know better.

It is just nonsensical. After all the rights women have fought for and after making great strides in employment equality, it all seemed so archaic. I realize she was talking about life a good 20-30 years ago, and times were different, but to still think that way now? To be so proud your husband insisted you do something, just made me mad. I am mad about some comment she made in passing, but the contents of it are such that I just cannot help myself.

Obviously we’ve covered our bases here in terms of discussing why we work, and surely there are those of you reading this thinking, “I WISH my husband would insist that, I’d love to stay home.”And that is fine for you; it’s just not fine for me. I choose to work, I want to work, I NEED to work, so if my husband dared try and insist I didn’t, my feelings would not be of relief, but of anger. I wouldn’t be singing his praises; I’d be looking for a way out. Then again, I never did take well to being told what to do.

My husband is a real man thank-you very much. He wouldn’t hesitate to help me figure out how to stay home with our daughter, if that’s what I wanted. My husband supports me in my goals, personally and professionally, and he compromises with me on things so we’re both able to get what we want. We make choices together, and do what is best for not only Everly, but for our family. And my husband does not consider himself the authority over “his” children, even if she does carry 50% of his DNA.

My point is that a REAL man doesn’t allow himself to feel emasculated if his wife chooses to work. A REAL man won’t hold his wife back to make himself feel better, or rule the home with an iron fist. A REAL man supports his wife in her decisions, and helps make her hopes become reality. A REAL man takes care of his family, and if that means working 2 jobs or staying home with the kids so his wife can be the career woman she always dreamed, he does that too.

Being a REAL man doesn’t mean acting like a stereotype. It doesn’t mean retiring to the study for a cigar and cognac while you wife attends to all the household and child duties. It doesn’t mean thinking you’re the boss in the partnership of marriage, and it certainly doesn’t mean insisting your wife do something she doesn’t want to.

A REAL man does whatever it takes to make sure his family is loved, happy and cared for, how he gets there takes as many forms as there are people. So hey girl…..

Photo Credit of Ryan Gosling: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/people/ryan-gosling  {Graphic created by LWM}

About the author

Brandee is a marketing professional distracted by mommy blogging, with a passion for writing and a lust for shoes. Mama to her 1.5 year old daughter Everly, Brandee spends her days racing between work and home, precariously balancing the role of the working mother. She blogs at Chill Mama Chill and tweets as @Babe_Chilla.

25 Comments

  1. mrshiggison says:
    March 15, 2012 at 6:26 am

    (straight in the taco.)
    I loved this line the most: “We make choices together, and do what is best for not only Everly, but for our family.” because it’s how our house is run. TOGETHER. My decision to work is not really just mine…but ours. It’s best for us.
    My husband insists upon nothing in our house, without my input. And I give him the same courtesy.

    (and I would do the same for you, Ryan Gosling. I’m just saying…)
    mrshiggison recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: What?!My Profile
    Twitter:

    Reply
  2. Lindsay says:
    March 15, 2012 at 6:39 am

    BAM. I would’ve done the same thing.
    Twitter:

    Reply
  3. Jamie says:
    March 15, 2012 at 6:59 am

    Well said. :) Love the graphic.
    Jamie recently posted..Spring has sprung.My Profile

    Reply
  4. Jamie says:
    March 15, 2012 at 7:04 am

    I LOVE this. LOVE IT. I stay home with my son, and it was my decision to do so. I loved my job with all of my heart, but knew that I couldn’t do both well. Even though my husband would prefer me to work, he knows that I am a happier mom at home, so he works two hours over time every.single.day to make it happen. I feel so strongly about moms – women – being supportive of each other regarding parenting decisions (as long as they’re safe.) Being a mom is hard enough WITHOUT having to deal with judgment from other moms. Personally, I give no damns if you work, stay at home, breast feed, bottle feed, let your kid watch tv, etc – as long as your kids are healthy and happy, and as long as YOU’RE happy, I’m cool.
    Jamie recently posted..PaisleyMy Profile
    Twitter:

    Reply
  5. Tracy says:
    March 15, 2012 at 7:06 am

    My favorite part is when you say, “Being a REAL man doesn’t mean acting like a stereotype.” I loathe stereotypes. And if we could afford it, my REAL man of a husband would stop working and be a SAHD in a heartbeat.
    Twitter:

    Reply
  6. Surf Momma says:
    March 15, 2012 at 7:35 am

    Well, my REAL man of a Husband supports me doing whatever has to be done to meet the needs of our family just like I support him. We make choices TOGETHER at our house too. I think that making decisions together is key to our marriage & our parenting. It doesn’t help anyone – especially our children – to shove one another out in front of the proverbial bus because of our personal convictions or current life situations (and how sad that it’s coming from someone’s mother).

    And thank you for including Ryan Gosling and his wisdom, Amen.
    Surf Momma recently posted..I Know You’re Being Nice But….My Profile
    Twitter:

    Reply
  7. Shannon says:
    March 15, 2012 at 8:57 am

    GREAT POST! And you get major points for using Ryan Gosling’s face :)
    Shannon recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Train MechanicMy Profile

    Reply
  8. Susan says:
    March 15, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Just to assure you that all is still somewhat right with the world, even though there are a$$clowns like those 2 ladies out there…

    My dad, a retired surgeon, watches my 8-month-old son during the day while my husband and I both work full-time as attorneys. Some people comment that it’s surprising that he’s changing diapers and taking my little guy to swimming lessons rather than golfing or surfing the internet all day or what not… but he knows how hard I’ve worked to get where I am in my career, and didn’t hesitate to help out.
    Susan recently posted..On Style and SmartsMy Profile
    Twitter:

    Reply
  9. Jenny says:
    March 15, 2012 at 11:11 am

    I loved this post. My husband is a real man, and we make our choices on working and parenting together.
    Jenny recently posted..Rainy day letterMy Profile
    Twitter:

    Reply
  10. Lauren says:
    March 15, 2012 at 4:57 pm

    Oh. Dear. Lord. He insisted, did he? And that makes him a REAL man? Lol – seriously if my husband “insisted” I do something I’m the kind if person that would give him the side-eyes and do the opposite! ;)
    I love the post – I think acknowledging the compromise and collaboration a marriage takes is so important. It’s two people doing what’s best for their family – not what people expect of them.
    (also – taco punching & Ryan Gosling should be part of every post. Just throwing that out there….). :D
    Twitter:

    Reply
  11. Christa the BabbyMama says:
    March 16, 2012 at 11:08 am

    Yuckers! A real man doesn’t have to tell people what to do because he has his own business going on. A real man treats his wife (or husband) like a partner, not a child. I bet that lady just had a bee in her bonnet about something else. Or she revels in being treated like a child. Again, yuckers.
    Christa the BabbyMama recently posted..And This Is Where I Say ‘What the Heck, Brain?’My Profile
    Twitter:

    Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge
You can add a link to follow you on twitter if you put your username in this box.
Only needs to be added once (unless you change your username). No http or @ Twitter

←
→

© 2013 Liberating Working Moms

Powered by WordPress | Deadline Theme : An AWESEM design