Are you supported enough?

By Krista, Contributor/Social Media Liaison

I see and hear so much conversation every day about not knowing how another person “does it all.”  We all admit that we don’t really do it all – our houses are a mess, our kids eat hotdogs three nights a week, someone else saw our child’s first steps, our checkbook hasn’t been balanced since Bush was President and the oil needed to be changed in our car three months ago.

In some ways, I think we’ve gotten pretty good at being real about what our lives really look like. The places we fail, the times we win and fact that we only hold it together with a teeny tiny little thread.  In other ways, I think we deserve some credit. Maybe the house isn’t in top shape, but there’s a roof over our children’s heads. There’s dinner as a family. The bills are paid on time.  Homework gets checked and permission slips get signed.

It’s not easy. For sure we deserve a medal or at least a new pair of shoes, but somehow at the end of the day we go to bed feeling like we did the best we could.

So, here’s my question…

Who helps you? Who is your support system?

I have a pretty strong belief that it does, indeed, take a village. I think I came into this belief when I was in the middle of losing my mind trying to do it all myself and I learned how to ask for help or accept offers that were coming in.

We shouldn’t HAVE to do it alone! It shouldn’t matter if the house is clean because you pay someone to come vacuum and scrub floors. It’s OK if the children are fed every night because the husband makes a mean pasta sauce.  There’s nothing wrong with letting grandparents babysit while you run errands.

We don’t have to do it all ourselves.  Think of it as delegating, if you want.  But who is supporting you?

Do you have a fantastic husband who splits parenting and all the household stuff right down the middle?

Do you work for a company that offers flexible scheduling, work from home options or on-site daycare?

Do you have a daycare facility or babysitter that you can’t live without?

Do you live near family and friends who are always there in a pinch?

For me, it’s a little bit of all of that. I have enough vacation time that I don’t need to worry about being out of the office for kids’ doctor appointments or when they are sick. I have a boss that lets me change my schedule to accommodate an early daycare pick up or late drop off.  My in-laws live next door and don’t mind when my kid comes over in her pajamas.  My parents are less than an hour away and are quick to jump at a call for help.  And, even though it’s football season, Craig does everything he can to make sure that our family has what we need.

It’s how we survive. This asking for and accepting help thing.

And I’m OK with that, because at the end of the day, it’s what’s best for my family.

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3 Comments

  1. mrshiggison says:

    I have all of these things: the helpful, hands-on husband, the family willing to jump in for back up, a nanny who literally is the greatest thing for my sanity, and a company who truly lives the credo that family comes first. I very much rely on a safety net. I’m not ashamed to admit it. 
    But for my family, we have to draw a faint line in the sand at some points. Too many cooks in the kitchen, too many caregivers with too many instructions means my kids act up. I’m proud enough to ask for help, grateful for it when given and oh-so-blessed to have my safety net…and in our house, it’s the only way to live with any kind of sanity attached!
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  2. Brandee says:

    Lady, you are preaching to the choir. Not only do I have a husband who is VERY willing to change diapers, do laundry and clean the house, I have a roommate who we affectionately call “little mama”. I am also EXTREMELY blessed with a mother who is not only devoted to her grandchildren, but who is there for her daughters at any time. I can’t even count how many times I called her at work, crying because Everly had screamed all day and I was starving and needed a shower and WHY WON’T SHE NAP? Every time, my mom came driving. 

    I’ve got a dad, and step-parents and aunts and friends and a ton of people willing to help me. I am truly lucky. 

    All that said, my house is still a mess (seriously, how does the addition of 1 toddler to a household overwhelm the cleaning efforts of 3 entire adult humans?). I still feel like the brunt of this parenting thing falls on my shoulders, and I still have not managed to find “me” time. 

    it takes a darn village alright, and even then, it’s hard. 
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  3. So true! My parents actually moved to Florida from Nebraska to be our village! (The beach helped too. :)
    My mom cleans our house. My dad takes my car for oil changes. My husband does the dishes, dresses our daughter & takes her to school. My work has incredibly flexible hours, and my co-workers are a fantastic support system!
    I agree too, though, about the “too many cooks” concerns It can be hard for the kid to know what the rules really are – every one needs to be on the same page. My big challenge is finding a way to get everyone there without seeming bossy/ungrateful.
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