By Tracy, Managing Editor
Sometimes I feel like I’m teetering on the ledge of a fence, trying to not fall towards one side too much. I’m a parent with a daughter who goes to school (yes we call it school, though she’s not yet 2). And I’m a teacher who is a caregiver, if you will, to children who have parents who rely on me to foster learning as well as a safe and caring environment for their offspring. It’s a strange perspective to have.
As a teacher, since I’ve become a mom, I look at my students differently, and I think that this viewpoint helps me to be a better teacher. For example, the other day when I told a 13 year-old, who is in my reading intervention class, that her reading level was that of a third grader and she started crying, my mom genes kicked in and I tried my darndest to meet her halfway in a book choice, in hopes of building her confidence. And of course all weekend I worried about what this news did to her. (As a teacher I know it is very important for kids to understand where they are in order to set goals for improvement…though my heart was breaking for her.)
As a parent, I expect the same kind of treatment of being caring and understanding for my daughter. I expect that she is also provided with a constant safe environment to be in during those many hours she is away from me. And I also try to remember that we are all human beings, even as adults, and mistakes will be made. I try my best to have understanding for this too when things are fouled up for my daughter…within reason of course.
When I was a brand new student teacher, maneuvering through my semester where all I did was teach, I made mistakes. Many mistakes. I had to figure out not only how to plan and implement curriculum, but I also had to figure out how to communicate with adolescents. One day I made a mistake in how I corrected a student. I didn’t realize I made the mistake, and my mentor teacher didn’t think it was that big of a deal, either. But then the phone call came in from a parent…to meet with me and the vice principal. During this meeting, I was scolded by the parent. I was talked down to. I nodded and it took all the strength that I had to not cry in front of this parent. I refused to let her know she was beating me down. (I was later told that this parent treated and talked to just about everyone at the school the way she communicated to me…though it provided no solace to how low I was feeling.) And of course, I cried hysterically in the bathroom once the meeting was over.
At that moment, I knew that when I became a parent, I would never treat my child’s teacher that way. There is a way to communicate that provides for a respectable relationship between parent and caregiver. Scolding the one who is charged with your child’s care is not going to bode well in the long run. It’s hard to not look at that kid, wondering how what you say to them would be taken and what the parent might come back to you with, causing you walk on egg shells as to not rock the boat. Then you cease to be yourself and are held back because you are always worried about what the parent might do or say again. I never want to subject any of my daughter’s teachers to that same fear I was subjected to as a newbie teacher, trying to figure out this whole profession.
So over the course of Abby being in daycare, at first I was understanding about minor issues, calmly accepting that we are all human beings. With a smile on my face I let them know things that were overlooked or if I wanted them to pay a little closer attention to certain things, and went on my way.
But then I spoke up with more force when major oversights occurred, all the while worrying. Worrying about hurting someone else’s feelings because I remember how it felt to be scolded as a novice teacher. So I took a step back and made sure that in talking to the childcare providers, to focus more on my feelings as a parent, letting them know how I feel let down . And I even teared up as I stated these words to a district supervisor, “I don’t feel safe sending my daughter to your facility.”
This all still makes me feel uneasy, because that teacher part of me knows how crappy it feels knowing that you let someone else’s child down. And that teacher part of me also knows how crappy it feels when you think you are doing your best, but you aren’t living up to the standards parents set forth for their child’s care. And then I think about the non-negotiables when it comes to the care of your child and know that is of the utmost importance.
I feel like I’m treading in murky water, not able to see which direction to go in. It’s all new to me, being on the parent side. And all I know is that I have to trust my gut and make no apologies for how I feel. But I also have to make sure that I treat people with the respect that they deserve. It’s hard being on that fence, balancing along that thin line.
I thought of you & Abby today. I hope new Day 1 was a good one.
Angie Matthewson recently posted..Expecting Perfection: Pregnancy, Birth & Beyond
Twitter: smallerstuff
This really resonated with me. I am having doubts about my daughter’s preschool teacher (her first school experience), and I am struggling with how to address it. I was a teacher, and I know that feeling.
angela recently posted..An Evening in Louisiana
What a pickle we teacher-moms are in. So many parents think they understand what we do because, hey, they’ve all been to school, right? On the flip side, so many teachers are unaware of the damage we cause to children with even the most innocent of comments; particularly those who are not parents.
My first year teaching, my nasty principal (who never set foot in a classroom a day in her life) told me that I’d be a much better teacher when I became a parent. I scorned her for that; still do. I feel like my perception of the kids has changed in the eight months I’ve been a mother, but my classroom practices have not. (And don’t worry: I don’t work for that snot anymore!) Let’s flip the paper over one more time. Both my AP and Principal, men, are childless. My principal has a natural gentleness to him, but my AP is staunch and unwavering. I feel like if he were a parent, he’d be a better administrator and treat the kids with more kindness. Ew – I’ve now mirrored the nasty thought process my former principal imparted upon me. But it’s true.
I’m fortunate enough not to have my child in day care for the time being. I dread the day that our situation changes. I don’t know how I’m going to balance my Mommy Brain with my Teacher Brain when it comes to her. Will one side win over? Who knows. But I’ll tell you this: Like you, I’ll never treat my kid’s teachers the way other parents have treated me. I’ll always respect them as professionals, assuming they’re doing everything in their power to educate my kid. I’ll defer to their expertise when appropriate, as this high school teacher has no concept of what it takes to educate the diaper-clad learners.
I once had a parent blow up on me because I didn’t allow her kid to turn in late work assigned several weeks earlier because the kid had an extra-curricular event the night before the due date. It was a week before final grades were due for the quarter, and I’d given myself about five days to grade 150 projects. Did this parent know how I inconvenienced myself to give her student more time to complete the project? Nope. Did I remind her that school was more important than dance? Nope. But I can tell you this: my kid will MISS the recital/game/lesson if it means getting her school work done. Even as a childless teacher, I knew that much.
Twitter: usf_Tay